Preparing for Haiti

Just a few hours ago I completely my last conference call with my team before we leave for Haiti this Friday.  I have to admit, it was a little bitter sweet. :)  I get to meet them in person on Friday for the first time (which I VERY excited about) and we'll have a call or two like this when we get back (so it's not over), but I realize that this is it.  Whatever wisdom I've hoped to impart better have been "imparted" by now, whatever stories, whatever trip details, whatever period.  And as I look back on all of the calls I am reminded that none of the wisdom that was shared was my wisdom (or even came out of my mouth many times), none of the details are my details, none of the stories were mine.  What has happened with our team has all been God.  God brought these 14 precious people together to form an amazing team from Evanston, IL.  God put the desire in each of our hearts to serve the orphan.  God taught us along the way what His will, even His command, and His heart is in relation to the orphan.  And God is the one who is responsible for the details.  Each of us has worked and planned for this trip, but ultimately God is the one that holds the timetable and the details.

As I look ahead to this week, I think of all of the details I need to take care of, money I need to plan for, and things I need to pack.  But my prayer not only for myself, but for our team is that we will remember why we are going above all the last minute details.  We are going to Learn, to Seek and to Defend.  Lord, help us remember!

Kony.....What should our response be?

So, I'm having a little trouble sleeping tonight (again) so I did what I do every night that I have trouble sleeping. Check out Facebook. And in the midst of checking Facebook, I once again see everything that is popping up about Kony and the video done by Invisible Children. I'm reading opinions on both sides of the argument. This is a good thing, this is a bad thing. (And yes, I will be up front and say, I did repost the video.)

Here's my reaction to both sides. Do I think Invisible Children has the best answer to the situation and we should look past everything and just accept what they present us as truth? No. Do I think the fact that Invisible Children has funded other governments or that they are calling out for the arrest (note arrest, people, not death) of a very evil man means they are showing an "un-Christian attitude" towards Kony? Do I think we should just pray that God convicts his soul and leave it at that? Definitely no! Friends, until you have been to the country and seen children who had potential to be affected by Kony (I didn't even see the ones who were), it's hard to understand. But where is our cry for justice? Do I pray that God will get ahold of Kony's heart and change him? Yes. Do I think just praying for this and then forgetting about it tomorrow is right? No. We are called, actually commanded, to cry out for justice for these children. We are commanded to stand up for them, to seek justice, to defend the orphan and the widow. We are called to be active in this war against injustice. Not just sit back and pray that God will change these people. Please don't hear me say that prayer is not important. It is VITAL to changing our world and I pray that as people see this video go viral about Kony that they will pray for him. But PLEASE do not leave it there. Does Invisible Children have all the answers and have this entire thing correct? No. But at least they're taking a stand and making an attempt to cry out for justice and that's something I deeply respect about what they are doing with this video.

What would you do if the cries of your children were not being heard? If YOUR children were kidnapped and forced to kill you and their siblings? If they were boys, they would be forced to kill over and over again. And if they were girls they would be demeaned to a life as a sex slave. We would be outraged if that happened here in the US. We would be screaming at the top of our lungs for justice for our children. For someone who is responsible for these crimes against our children to be called into account for his actions. Why is it so different for the children who don't live with our borders? Why are we not screaming at the top of our lungs for justice for these children who are affected DEEPLY by war, sex-trafficking, AIDS, child soldiering, slavery, and the list could go on and on. These things don't just happen in Uganda, they happen around the world. Kony isn't the only person who should be called into account for their actions, but he's a good place to start.

Church, don't let our cry be "Jesus change their hearts!" and then we turn away. Let our cry be a battle cry against the injustices done against our children, our orphans, our own spread around the world. Yes, pray for a supernatural change in their hearts, but don't stand idly by and see it as "their problem". Speak out! Scream if you have to! I've seen some of these children in person and I now dream about them. And I will scream at the top of my lungs in support of anyone who will help these little ones.

Does Invisible Children have all the answers? No, but at least they have found their voice and are taking their stand. Where is your voice? How are you going to take your stand and speak for justice in our world? Is. 1:17, James 1:27, Psalms 68:5, Deut. 24:17, Psalm 10:17-18. Just scratching the surface. Read them and tell me if saying a prayer and moving on with our lives is the answer to the crises of our children in this world.

Blog post for the World Orphans Page...

Here's a post I wrote for the World Orphans blog.  Thought I'd post it here too. :)

Eddie is a small boy in a government orphanage in Uganda.  Eddie isn’t his real name.  I haven’t changed his name for protection reasons, I’ve given him a name because no one knew his name.  Eddie walked up to me the moment I walked through the gates that morning.  His petite, dark features were beautiful and yet he never once smiled.  He took my hand and from that moment he had my heart as well.  When I asked the caretakers his name, they said they didn’t know.  When I asked the other children, they didn’t know either.  I asked him and he wouldn’t speak a word.  I eventually called him Eddie because he stands back and watches others interact, the same way my Pappa used to.  No one knew Eddie’s story, no one knew why he was there except that he seemed to have no where else to go.  He was one of too many, He was lost in the crowd and it would probably not be noticed if he was there or not.

Dorcas has been abandoned by her mother.  She’s three years old and you can’t explain to her why her mother left, she just knows she’s gone.  She attached herself to one of our short term team members and when we left, it was a very tearful goodbye.  But Dorcas’ story differs from Eddie’s.  Dorcas has a name that people know.  She isn’t lost in the crowd because she has a church family that loves her, that cares for her.  They provide for her, not only physically but spiritually and emotionally.  They love her and call her by name.  They notice when she is having a particularly difficult time and they comfort her.  She is still an orphan, but she is an orphan who has been adopted into a family of faith.

See the difference when the body of Christ steps in and fulfills their calling?  An orphan has a name, she is loved, cared for and pointed towards a God who loves her infinitely more than anyone here on earth ever could.  What a difference from the life Eddie will have.  Yes, Eddie will have a roof over his head and yes, Eddie will eat some of the time.  But what will happen to Eddie as a result of being lost in the crowd?  My heart aches when I see his face.  He not only represents so many orphans in this world who are not told that they are valued by an ever-present God, but he is an individual child I long to wrap my arms around and tell this truth until I know he understands.  I can’t wrap my arms around every orphan in this world, but the church can.  Will you wrap your arms around a child today?

My tax dollars....

OK, so this is a topic that I generally stear clear of: politics. But then again, do taxes really fall under "politics"? Well, that's a discussion for another time, today what I'm talking about does fall under politics. :)

So, after reading an article about tax dollars being re-routed from abortion clinics to true family planning practices, I began to wonder. I mean, is it possible to refuse to pay taxes on the grounds that you don't agree morally with what they are spending your money on? OK, go with me here for a minute (and yes, I do remember that Jesus said to render unto Ceasar what is Ceasar's). I'm merely thinking outloud (or on paper I guess...) :) I realize that technically all of our tax money supposedly goes into this big pot and then the budget is divy-ed out from there (and amazingly it grows an extra few trillion while its in there to spend....oh wait, no that money isn't really in the pot.....but I digress). :) Anyway, the likelihood of "my money" going to an entity that I don't morally agree with (i.e. an abortion clinic or whatever) is pretty slim. I could technically say it's my neighbor's money that is going to that clinic and mine is going to cancer research or something that is not exactly in the moral realm. But what if my money did go to the abortion clinic? (I'm not trying to make this posting about abortion, I'm merely using it as an example due to the article I just read.) I'm not sure I know what to do with that thought. Our governmental leaders are there because someone said, "I trust you to do this." But can I trust my government's leaders to not do something I don't agree with? Can I trust them to spend my tax money the way I see it should be spent? These are all questions that are running through my mind at the moment. Don't worry, I'm not going to be thrown in jail for tax evasion (not that I make enough for it to be worth them messing with me). I will be paying my taxes. But it's reminded me even more how necessary it is that we pray for the leaders of our country. Pray that God will give them wisdom and courage to stand for what is right. And remember that untimately God is in control, no matter what. Just a random thought on Wednesday afternoon. :)

A Spiritual Reminder from Facebook?

I was checking a few messages on Facebook today and randomly looked up to the right hand corner.  I've only recently noticed FB doing this thing where they show you former posts from your friends, etc.  Today I saw, for the first time, the line "On this day in 2010" and below it is my status from that day, "It is a safe thing to trust Him to fulfill the desire which He creates. ~ Amy Carmichael".  Last August, I had no idea what adventure He would take me on in a mere 12 months!  He created a desire in my heart to share His love with the world, especially with His little children who don't have parents or family to love on them.  He created a desire for discipleship, a desire to see men and women who are the body of Christ grow in their love for Him and their love for others.  To see a people who put Christ first in their lives rise up and love those around them, take care of them, seek justice for them.  All of these things were desires in my heart and 12 months later He is in the midst of providing for me to live out these desires in my work with Journey117 (World Orphans).  I've been so caught up in the present of raising support and preparing to move to Denver that I have forgotten to look back sometimes.  I look back and see where God has taken me and it makes me smile.  It reminds me deep in my heart that God is faithful, He is trustworthy and even when I don't see it (as I didn't back in August of 2010), He will fulfill the desire He has created.  Thank you Facebook (and Amy Carmichael) for the good reminder today of the blessing of a God who is in control and a God who is faithful.

My Journey with Journey117....

A couple of months ago, a dear friend suggested I start blogging again. Especially start blogging about my recent experiences. I have to say, as most of you know, I'm not very good about keeping up with this blog thing and I know I've said I would countless times before, but I think this is actually a great place for me to put down my thoughts and experiences (besides Facebook) and plus it helps me process what I'm walking through. So you might see me on here a little more often. :) But I'm not promising anything. :)

As I sit in this VERY quiet office (everyone, but me, is still "gone to lunch" :) I've NEVER worked in an office THIS quiet!) :) But as I sit here, I'm able to think about what the last 7 months have brought about in my life. In a nut shell, I've quit my full-time job at OU, moved home to live with my parents, gone to Uganda (wow!), started raising support for my new job (YAY!) and lived the life of a temp for the last few weeks. :) If you look back a couple of posts in my blog, you'll see me talking about my lack of faith with God that He would provide a way back into ministry for me. Funny thing is, He already had at that point. In fact, I had already talked to the gal who is going to be my boss as soon as I get my support raised and who has become a very fast and dear friend. She had already laid my dream job on teh table in front of me. I was just too blind to see it because I "wasn't going to raise support because I'm really bad at it". :) You know those times that you feel like God is just shaking His head and smiling at your stubbornness? Well, that was one of those many times in my life. When I finally was willing to take that leap of faith (and by leap I mean LEAP!) God confirmed over and over again His provision and love. I can't tell you how many things fell into place for me to walk this path. They weren't all easy, they still aren't all easy. But they are sweet because my Lord and Saviour has given me this path to walk and He is smiling down on me as we speak.

So, for those of you who don't know what I'll be doing, I'm going to be the Mobilization Coordinator for Journey117 (www.journey117.org), a part of an organization called World Orphans (www.worldorphans.org). I will be helping plan trips all over the world that focus on God's heart for the orphan, learning about the orphan crisis and what people are trying to do to meet the needs of the orphan. God has opened my eyes to His deep heart for the orphan, for those who have no one to care for them, protect them, love them or teach them. There are 145 million reported orphans in our world and what are we as the church doing to meet this need that is so dear to our Father's heart? (I'm honestly asking that question, I'm not being judgmental.) What are we doing? Are we giving? Are we going? Are we adopting? Those are the questions we want our team members to ask of themselves and their churches. What am I doing? What can I do? What is my church doing? What can my church do? In Isaiah 1:17, God commands His people to "Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow." That is where Journey117 derives it's passion and direction, a verse that is very close to our hearts. We want those around us to do the same. We know this looks different for each person and that's what I love about my new job! I get to walk beside people as they discover what this command means for them! We can't all adopt a little boy from Uganda or a little girl from Thailand. We can't all fund an orphan home project in India or a camp for orphans in Moldova where they will hear about (and experience) the love of Christ. But we can all go and see these children. We can all go and give them Christ's love. We can all seek our hearts and the wisdom of God to find out what our role should be to "defend the cuase of the fatherless". What will you do?

As I walk this new road, I'm faced with a big mountain. The initial building of a team of people who will surround me with their prayer and their finances so that I can move forward and begin the work that God has placed before me. He is calling people to this team and I have been blessed beyond measure by His grace and love shown through these people. But this team must grow. This is a God-sized task that He has chosen to use little ol' me to tackle. It will take a God-sized team to achieve this goal. Will you pray about letting God use you and your little ol' gift to help start this God-sized Journey? If you're interested in more information on how you can give or go, please feel free to contact me at emily@worldorphans.org. God is faithful, I know that full well. :)

Uganda! I'm Gonna Go to Uganda! :o)

	Trouble viewing this email? Click here to view it online.
	GIVE ONLINE  |  JOURNEY 117  |  WORLD ORPHANS  |  CONTACT J117  |  FORWARD THIS   God has called me to start my Journey... And I need your help!  On June 23 I will be traveling with a Journey 117 team to Uganda. As a result of various issues such as HIV/AIDS, poverty, and child soldiering, children have been orphaned by death and disease throughout the country. Our team will serve alongside Ugandan believers as we minister to orphans in various care settings, including institutional orphanages, schools, and church-based homes. We will also be able to work with street kids in the slums of Kampala and come alongside the local churches to rescue kids from this environment. Our team will conduct recreational programs, distribute food and clothes, and share the gospel of Jesus Christ with those we come in contact with throughout our time there. By experiencing this culture first-hand and learning more about the various models of orphan care and rescue, I will walk away with a better understanding of how I can be an advocate on behalf of the fatherless. Taking this Journey is my first step in discovering what it means to live out Isaiah 1:17 in a relevant way.  In order to participate I need to raise approximately $3,000 that will cover my airfare, lodging, meals, training and other ministry-related expenses.  Will you consider making a gift to Journey 117 to assist with these expenses as I take this step to discover my role in orphan ministry?   Note: My trip code for the online donation form is ST-7055-Last Name, for example, ST-7055-Smith. Use this code to ensure that your gift goes toward my trip expenses. Thank You!  WHAT IS JOURNEY 117? Journey 117 exists to equip influential orphan advocates through high impact Journey trips that offer informative teaching, practical experiences to serve cross culturally, and training to impact one's personal advocacy for the sake of the orphan and widow.    Journey 117 is a ministry of World Orphans, a non profit 501(c)3 Christian ministry. All gifts are tax deductible to the extent allowed by law.
	| Unsubscribe | Update your profile | Forward to a friend WORLD ORPHANS PO BOX 1840 CASTLE ROCK, CO 80104   © 2010  All rights reserved.

The patience of Abraham....

A few months ago, God gave me an answer to a question (actually, it's probably more a request) that I had been asking for several years now.  The peace and joy that suddenly flowed over me was wonderful! I finally had God's blessing to move forward into something I had desired for a very long time.  And then it happened.  THE WAIT.  Five months later, I'm still in the midst of The Wait.  In that time, I'm afraid I haven't handled things all that well all the time.  There has been hurt, anger, confusion, questions and wonderings.  Did I hear incorrectly?  Am I missing something?  Have I just not put myself out there enough?  What more do I need to do to cause this to happen?  Am I doing too much?  And then the BIG question wormed it's way into my heart and my head.  Can I really trust Him?  Can I really trust my Savior, my Creator, my Lord?  The question had rooted itself quite deeply before I honestly realized it was there.  And I'm sorry to say, I probably ignored it and then entertained it much too long.  In the midst of my "snow day" activities today (once again stuck in the house), I was reminded of a favorite hymn.  It is Well.  I was then reminded of men of faith who's faith caused them to either do crazy things for the Lord (Noah built a giant boat and told people it would rain, when it had never rained before) or hold out for a very long time (Abraham and the promise of a son).  I went to Hebrews 11, always a challenging chapter, and read of the faith of our forefathers.  Of the men and women who trusted God and His promises.  At first I began to feel horrible, tiny and very weak.  (The weak part is something I'm glad I've felt.) How could I even think that God was not trustworthy?  I've been waiting 5 months for Him to fulfill a promise He gave me when Abraham waited years!  Look at Abraham's faith and look at mine (once again the game of comparison that I'm unfortunately SO good at).  As I began to feel terrible about my lack of trust, God brought to mind the whole story of Abraham.  Abraham had faith, but it doesn't mean he didn't mess up in the midst of the waiting.  He took matters into his own hands and that's how he got Ishmael.  (Just as a side note, he waited another 14 years after Ishmael was born for Isaac, the son God had promised him.)  Abraham messed up and tried to hurry God's plan.  But God still accomplished His plan and fulfilled His promise and counted Abraham's faith as righteousness.  I've had a time of repentance with the Lord for my lack of faith and it has been sweet.  There is forgiveness there.  Now I look ahead to what He has and I pray for the patience of Abraham.

Love it when God reminds me!

I was beautifully reminded of God's love for us tonight in looking at the life of a young lady I know.  In the midst of some very deep heartache, when she could very easily turn inward and has every "right" to be upset, she instead turns to the Lord.  Her first thought is "Lord, how can I bring you glory in this?"  While I may be her elder age wise, she taught me an incredibly invaluable lesson tonight.  God loves us.  Yes, that's a lesson I know and have known for years.  But God has been opening new facets to that "simple" statement recently.  And another one of those facets was portrayed to me tonight.  Ah the beauty of a life submitted to Christ!  In the midst of my time with the Lord tonight, the following song came up and I don't think I could find a more appropriate song for this "simple" moment being reminded of a "simple" statement.  More love to Thee my Lord!

More love to Thee, O Christ

More love to Thee

Hear Thou the prayer I make

On bended knee

This is my earnest plea

More love, O Christ, to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

Once earthly joy I craved

Sought peace and rest

Now, thee, alone I see

Give what is best

This all my prayer shall be

More love, O Christ, to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

Then shall my latest breath

Whisper Thy praise

This be the parting cry

My heart shall raise

Still all my prayer shall be

More love, O Christ, to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

More love to Thee, more love to Thee

Waiting Room

A friend of mine posted this song on her Facebook page today and I can't believe how well it captures where my heart is right now!  For those of you who know me well, you know that my heart is captured by what God is doing around the world.  But every time I've tried to go back overseas, He has chosen to close that door.  I don't understand it, but Jonny Diaz captures my feelings perfectly in his song "Waiting Room".  Look it up to hear it (I'll be linking it on my Facebook page too).  But here are the words:

Here in this waiting room

Yearning for You to say go

And thought I'm convinced that a yes would be best

This time You're telling me no

It's not that I don't have an answer

It's just not the one that I'd like

But through this time Lord I must keep in mind

You're always wiser than I

'Cause You have a much better purpose

And You have a far greater plan

And You have a bigger perspective

'Cause You hold this world in your hands

The things that I seek are from You

Like the strong healing touch of Your hand

But when You say no, help me trust even though

There's a reason I can't understand

'Cause You have a much better purpose

And You have a far greater plan

And You have a bigger perspective

'Cause You hold this world in Your hands

When that miracle comes 'cause Your answer is yes

I will praise You for all of my days

But when Your wisdom declares that a no is best

I will praise You just the same

You have a much better purpose

And You have a far greater plan

And You have a bigger perspective

'Cause You hold this world in Your hands

You hold this world in Your hands

You know, I don't like hearing no from God.  Especially when I'm asking Him for something that's "good".  "Lord, don't you want me to go overseas and share your love with others?"  But then I look at who I am now, who I was 2 years ago, and who I hope to be in 2 more years and I realize where I've come from and where I'm going.  The "No" answer from the Lord has been a blessing for the last 3 years since I applied to go back overseas.  And even in the midst of the last couple of months where He has once again told me to stay, if I squint hard enough, tilt my head just right and stick out my tongue just the right length, I can catch a glimpse of what He might end up doing in my life here.  I'm learning to trust Him all over again.  And while it's hard, it's beautiful too.  Thank you Lord that you have a "much bigger perspective"!!!

The Fellowship of the Unashamed

The Fellowship of the Unashamed  

I am part of the "Fellowship of the Unashamed."
The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line.
The decision has been made. I am a disciple of
Jesus Christ. I won't look back, let up, slow down,
back away, or be still. My past is redeemed, my present
makes sense, and my future is secure.
I am finished and done with low living, sight walking,
small planning, smooth knees, colorless dreams,
chintzy giving, and dwarfed goals.

I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position,
promotions, plaudits, or popularity. I now live by
presence, lean by faith, love by patience,
lift by prayer, and labor by power. My pace
is set, my gait is fast, my goal is Heaven, my
road is narrow, my way is rough, my companions few,
my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought,
compromised, deterred, lured away, turned back,
diluted, or delayed.

I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the
presence of adversity, negotiate at the table of the enemy,
ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander
in the maze of mediocrity.

I am a disciple of Jesus Christ. I must go until
Heaven returns, give until I drop, preach until all know,
and work until He comes. And when He comes to get
His own, He will have no problem recognizing me.
My colors will be clear.

I am not ashamed of the gospel . . . Romans 1:16

Map Quest - Looking for God's Will

Sometimes God teaches us something when we least expect it.  OK, usually God teaches us something when we least expect it. :o)  Tonight, I had a wonderful conversation with a dear friend of mine and as she was sharing what was going on in her life, I heard my heart from about 8 years ago speaking to me through her.  I saw her struggling through some of the same things I had spent days and weeks agonizing over.  And as I listened I was reminded again that God takes all things and makes them good.  He was giving me a glimpse of that here.  I was able to share in her struggle and know exactly where she was coming from and encourage her that God would walk her through this whole thing.  Even when He seems to not be speaking very clearly.  What I wish now, however, is that I had read the following before talking with her.  The authors of this article took what I have been wrestling with now for 17 some odd years (every since I began asking the question "What is God's will for my life?") and made it click.  This is what I wish I could have shared with my sister tonight.  This is what it means to "find God's will".  It's a little lengthy (and I only included a few paragraphs!) but oh so worth it!  God is such a great God!  So, I'll be sharing this posting with my friend, but I pray it will impact others in the same way it impacted me.  Food for thought.

"When it comes to God's will, many of us want the GPS version of God, hopefully with a turn-by-turn British-American voice prompting us at every intersection.  Sometimes God gives people very specific instructions, mapping out what they are to do in detail, but this is rare.  The world, however, is a map factory.  It continually bombards us with plans for success, agendas both personal and political and road signs that read "happiness just ahead."  Most maps lead toward personal gratification and status or just loop back to the status-quo.

A map is very appealing to a person looking for direction.  But the map is an easy way out.  It appeals to the lazy.  God gives people direction more than directions.  He will not rob you of the faith-building experience of obeying Him based on what He says, not on what you see.  We cannot expect to get all the detailed instructions before we are willing to begin traveling the path.  The Bible doesn't lay out a "map." It gives us a "compass."  God calls you to join Him in journeying in a steady direction toward a grand global destiny.  He is calling us to follow a compass and to evaluate any maps that come our way by His over-arching purpose.

The most limiting thing about maps is that they only give you already-charted territory.  They can only take you as far as someone else has been.  Mapped-out life plans don't push you to pioneer and explore what hasn't ever been done.  If you keep following the compass Jesus gives us, you will find yourself involved in pushing His global task toward completion.  To finish His journey means that at some point you move beyond the edge of the maps.

Our maps will change from season to season in our lives, but the compass is unchanging.  The compass is the same for all God's people.  It always gives the direction to True North no matter what your language, your country, your social status, your family or your ability.  It stands as a firm standard.  By marking out True North and giving us a compass, Christ enables us to think, pray, plan, coach, challenge, create, suffer and labor with many others.  It's not a solo pilgrimage.  He's summoned us to step into and help fulfill what believers of previous generations have already begun and what millions of fellow-followers are pursuing at this moment."

A good place to start on this compass is this:

"God loves His Son and has a wonderful plan for Him, to bring all the nations to His feet as Lord of all, and He loves you and me enough to give us a place in it."

What a wonderful God we serve!

My heart rejoices....

Do you ever have those moments when you are listening to a rather compelling speaker, but your heart is only mostly there and all of a sudden ZAP! an apparently random sentence said by the speaker lightening strikes it's way to the core of your heart and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God just spoke to you?  You enter a fog and can't really seem to hear anything else the speaker is saying, even though you know that it's really great stuff, because all you can think about is the impact you just felt from that one "passing comment".  When you come out of the fog, all you want to do is run and write pages upon pages of prayers to the Father as you process this one sentence.  (Well, maybe you'd rather have an audible conversation with Him, but my way of processing is writing words.) :)  

In case you haven't gathered this yet, my heart experienced this tonight and as the title of this post states, MY HEART REJOICES!!  During my Perspectives on the World Christian Movement class tonight, we had a really great, dynamic speaker.  He spoke on taking the gospel to the unreached people groups of the world and putting it in a context that they understand.  (For instance, you don't take all the churchy language like "propitiation for our sins" and things that even native English speakers probably wouldn't have any idea what you're talking about!) :)  But he also hit a few nerves with taking it even further.  They were nerves that I needed hit, honestly, but I was still only 90% listening.  I was loving every minute of what he said and took tons of notes, but what gave me the ZAP! moment, the sentence I feel God had prepared me to sit through this entire presentation to hear, came in the last 5 minutes of his talk.  He was reminding us of the spider story his wife had told a few weeks ago when she spoke to our class.  (Short version: His wife was DEATHLY afraid of spiders, couldn't stand them.  When they moved to Taiwan shortly after they were married, they lived in a hut.  She told us about putting up with the heat just fine and even the other creepy crawlies, but then one day she started having spiders in her house.  Eventually they were everywhere and she tells of a moment when she sat in the middle of her living room and nearly had an emotional breakdown.  At that point she had to decide which was more powerful.  Her fear or God?  Had God called her here?  Yes.  Did God have a plan in her being here? Yes.  Was God bigger than the spiders? Yes, but it would have helped to have a visual to help with this. :)  In the end she surrendered her fear of spiders to God and He in turn has used her, along with her husband, to reach countless for Christ all over the world!)  The comment John made about this story was this (my ZAP! moment): "If she (his wife) had surrendered to those fears, her life would have been limited by her fears instead of being opened wide where she got to experience the big, awesome plans God had for her!"  Now, I realize this may not give you the same ZAP! moment it gave me, but when I heard this it went to the very core of my being.  I was reminded of being faced with a very real fear I had nearly 8 years ago.  It was the summer before I left to do Journeyman in China.  It was actually the turning point in my decision to apply for Journeyman.  The smells, the words, the experiences of that moment all those years ago came flashing back to me (along with all of the confirmations that followed).  I remembered being stared fully in the face by my biggest fear: That God would call me to go overseas without a husband.  (I know this sounds as ridiculous to some of you as Jamie's fear of spiders, but just as real as that fear was to her, this fear was real to me.)  And in the midst of a week designed to reach high school students, God brought me, a college graduate, to a place where He asked me to lay down that fear and walk in faith that He would provide for all of my needs.  Including those I thought could only be met by a physical, real person companion.  As all of this was coming back to my mind, I began to realize that I have recently fallen back into that fear.  I have once again placed a limitation on God and my willingness to serve Him.  In more ways than one I've told Him that if He would provide a husband for me, I would then be able to serve Him wholeheartedly.  But that's just not true!  I'm like the shark at the Dr's office (another illustration John used tonight, trust me this will make sense :) ).  I look at my surroundings and I only grow as big as my current tank (with walls built out of my fears) will allow me.  But if you drop that same 6 inch shark, that stayed that size due to the constraints of the tank he was in, into the ocean, he grows to his full potential: 5-6 feet long!  Am I going to be a cute little 6" Christian?  Or am I ready to bust out of the boundaries that my fears hold me in and grow to my full potential?  My heart rejoices because I have once again been faced with my very ugly fear and I'm reminded that God has big awesome plans in mind for me!  Whether that includes or does not include a husband remains to be seen.  But I don't have to be afraid and wait for that chapter in my life to happen.  I should be achieving my full potential now!  

Lord, my heart rejoices that you have reminded me once again of my first love, You.  Father, may this week leading up to Easter be a time of remembering your great love and great sacrifice on behalf of not just me, but this entire world.  Burden my heart for those who don't already know You.  Especially those who haven't even had a chance to hear about You.  Guide my heart into prayers that will glorify You and teach me to exude Your glory and Your love on a minute-by-minute, second-by-second basis.  You have sacrificed much for me, how can I return any less than my life?

Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior

So, tonight as I was trying to find a sermon I had saved on my computer, I ran across a folder of music that I hadn't realized I had and on top of that, it wasn't incorporated into my iTunes!  So, I proceeded to add it and then listen to it.  It's an album of hymns done by Fernando Ortega.  I've missed good, uplifting hymns lately.  I love praise & worship, don't get me wrong, but there's something about singing something that is over 100 years old and is still just as applicable today.  Frances (Fanny) Crosby wrote some of my favorite hymns, All the Way My Savior Leads Me, Blessed Assurance, God Will Take Care of You and Rescue the Perishing.  She actually wrote nearly 8000 hymns/poems.  But somewhere in there lay this little gem that God blessed my heart with tonight.  It put into words what I've been trying to pray lately and yet did it so much more beautifully than I could have ever done.  (She definitely had a gift and I'm thankful she used it to the glory of her Heavenly Father!)  Lately I have deeply missed the international missions calling I feel God placed on my life almost exactly 12 years ago.  Not that the calling ever went away, but God has chosen to have that calling take a path different from the one I expected when I was 18.  It's hard to not ask and wonder what I have done wrong that I'm currently living in the states and not currently involved in some type of international ministry.  But the beauty of His path is been incredible!  I'm currently taking a class called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement and I'm so challenged by hearing what God is doing around the world and the people He has used in the past to accomplish His work.  I know God has me here for a time and He's preparing my heart for such a time that He is ready for me to move on, but in this time Fanny's hymn has captured the prayer of my heart.  Lord, do not pass me by.

Pass me not, O gentle Savior,
Hear my humble cry;
While on others Thou art smiling,
Do not pass me by. 

Refrain:
Savior, Savior,
Hear my humble cry,
While on others Thou are calling,
Do not pass me by.

Let me at a throne of mercy
Find a sweet relief;
Kneeling there in deep contrition,
Help my unbelief.

Trusting only in Thy merit,
Would I seek Thy face;
Heal my wounded, broken spirit,
Save me by Thy grace.

Thou the spring of all my comfort,
More than life to me,
Whom have I on earth beside Thee,
Whom in Heav’n but Thee.

Trust and obey....

I was reminded of this phrase tonight during a great chat I had with my roommate (Thank you Nat for being patient with me!!) :o)  Inevitably the hymn popped into my head and I began to think about the words.  At this late hour and with the late nights I've kept most of this weekend, it took me a tad longer to get past the "doth"s and poetic approach the hymn has, but I began to really see the words in a new light.  The first verse has a very simple line and yet we find it (well, I find it, I won't speak for the rest of you out there) :o) hard to follow sometimes.  "When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word..."  How often have I strayed from this?  How often have I told Christ, "Nah, I got this.  I don't need Your wisdom on the matter."?  How many days have I put aside my Bible for a TV show or a nap?  How many times have I used, "I'm just not good at memorizing" as an excuse to not memorize scripture?  To walk in the light of His Word requires that you first know His Word so you know where, how and when to walk.  The encouragement that follows, however, is worth the time.  "While we do His good will, He abides with us still...."  What a joy!! To know that He abides with us and has promised never to leave us.  There is nothing I can do and nothing the prince of this world can to do tear me away from Christ.  Once I'm His, I'm always His.  What joy and freedom can be found in that statement!  I'm never going to get it right all of the time.  I will make mistakes, but His grace is sufficient for me, for His power is made perfect in my weakness (2 Cor 12:9).  A simple refrain, but what joy can be found in it! "Trust and obey, for there's no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey."  This is my prayer.

When we walk with the Lord in the light of His Word,
What a glory He sheds on our way!
While we do His good will, He abides with us still,
And with all who will trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Not a shadow can rise, not a cloud in the skies,
But His smile quickly drives it away;
Not a doubt or a fear, not a sigh or a tear,
Can abide while we trust and obey.

Not a burden we bear, not a sorrow we share,
But our toil He doth richly repay;
Not a grief or a loss, not a frown or a cross,
But is blessed if we trust and obey.

But we never can prove the delights of His love
Until all on the altar we lay;
For the favor He show, for the joy He bestows,
Are for them who will trust and obey.

Then in fellowship sweet we will sit at His feet.
Or we'll walk by His side in teh way.
What He says we will do, where He sends we will go;
Never fear, only trust and obey.

Trust and obey, for there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey.

Lord, let me prove the delights of Your love and help me lay all on the altar to You!

It's been one of those days....all week...

So, since Sunday I've been in somewhat of a funk.  I know some of the reasons (health related), but there doesn't seem to be one answer to explain the whole thing.  I feel like the whole week was somewhat summed up in my experience at Hastings tonight.  I was sitting in the Cafe area, waiting for Christine (dear one, I'm so thankful you were late to this meeting! God had some work to do. :o) )  Anyway, I was waiting for Christine with my coffee sitting on the table in front of me.  Somehow, and even to this moment I don't know how, I knocked the entire 16 oz. Americano all over the table and the floor.  It was like an explosion!  I didn't know coffee could fly so far! :o)  So, completely embarrased and slightly mortified, I begin cleaning up the table with napkins.  One of the cafe employees came over and, to his credit, made sure I was OK before he offered to help me clean it up.  I was thankful for the help, but at that point I almost would have rather have crawled under a rock or something. :o) I finished the table with the last of the napkins they had in their holder and he brought out a mop and cleaned the floor.  Once it was all clean, I sat down again at the table and the employee brought out a giant yellow Caution sign and placed it right next to my table.  (OK, it was probably really a normal sized one, but when something that bright is placed near you, just to bring even MORE attention to the fact that you just spilled your entire drink, it seems gargantuan!)  I laughed and said, "It's been one of those days...."  He smiled and laughed too.  As I sat there and thought through, I really feel that this whole experience has been a good representation of my week.  It has been one of those days.  I feel like there are giant yellow CAUTION signs blaring their way across so many things in my life and I feel like people can see them, even though I know better.  To make matters worse, I've treated some people as though they could see the CAUTION sign and instead of allowing them to get close, I've held them at arms length.  How many times will God have to give me a tangible lesson like this (how many more coffees will I need to spill?) before I get what He wants me to get?  Lord, help me learn this lesson.  This could get expensive (in more ways than one)!!

God's Perspective on the World....

Do you ever have a moment when you're smiling so big that you think your face just might fall off? :o)  Well, that was my evening.  I'm taking this class called Perspectives on the World Christian Movement and was pretty excited about taking it after all that I heard from others, but after tonight I'm am STOKED! (Yes, I did just use that word. :o) )  I'm still smiling from the experience I had tonight.  2.5 hours of listening to an 80 year old man speak on the topic of God's Kingdom and His view of the world was SO exciting!  Walt Baker was a missionary to Haiti for around 50 years!  He and his wife raised 4 children there and when he boiled down his entire ministry he said, "Just love people.  Don't try to supplement what people can't do, compliment what they can do."  Story after story of this man's life showed his obvious love for his Father in heaven and thus his consequential love for those around him.  He challenged us, as the church, to "look WAY beyond yourself!  Look to the world!"  I'm SO ready to look to the world!  I've lost that focus in my life and I'm aching to have it return.  Thanks to Walt, it has been brought once again to the forefront of my mind and I'd be on a plane tomorrow if I could be!

Isaiah 61:1-3
"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor."  ~ My life verse(s) for the year....

Because I can't sleep...

Well, it's 1:00 in the morning and I still can't seem to get my mind to shut down.  About an hour ago I decided to start reading old journal entries in hopes that I would fall asleep from boredom. :o)  I guess I picked the wrong journal for that. 

Over the years I've kept journals and while I haven't been super diligent about it (as in writing every day no matter what happens) when big things happened, I journaled about them.  Well, I picked a journal at random and ended up reading about my time as a Journeyman.  How my life has changed since then!  There were aspects of life that I definitely had rose colored glasses about, but there are other aspects that I wish I had the same naive-ness about.  I read about some of the hardships that shaped who I am today and was encouraged to see incredible changes in my life that God brought about both through circumstances and just His incredible power.  However, I read hopes and dreams that I haven't thought about in a very long time.  I had BIG dreams then!  You know the "Use me to change the world Lord!" kind of dreams.  I wanted to spend the rest of my life overseas or at least going on short term trips.  I wanted to see people from the States gain an awesome understanding of how they could impact lives around the world through short term international mission trips and prayer.  I wanted to see the world come to Christ and glorify Him in every tribe and tongue!  I even decided I was going to marry a man I met while I was there because of the incredible Godly character he portrayed. :o)  (In my journal I wrote, "God, I would be willing to live in a forest and eat bugs if you would allow me to marry this man."  And for those of you who know me, you know that would be a sacrifice. :o) Well, I did end up eating bugs anyway, but that's another story for another time.)  But the excitement of knowing such an incredible man of God, one who had REALLY given up his life for the sake of Christ, who was not ashamed to stand up and be counted, who desired to see the world know Christ was attractive.  He was a spiritual leader in every sense of the word.  And tonight, I realized that I miss men like that.  I'm not saying they're not around, I know several of them, but when I look at all the men I know, how many of them are adventurers for Christ?  How many of them would give up their current situation to live in the jungles of Africa in a moment?  How many of them are willing to be the spiritual leader that women (not just their wives or future wives, but women in the church) need our men to be?  Where are these spiritual giants who aren't afraid to roar at the enemy?  To stand up for the poor and hurt?  To not be afraid of asking God for a godly wife and actually actively seek her out?  I'm not trying to be a man basher or anything here, I'm really not.  If I looked at the group of men I'm aquainted with, I could name several who are living their lives in incredible ways for the Lord.  But I'm sad to say that out of all the Christian men I know (or those who at least profess to be believers) I would have to say that less than half of these men have truly stepped up to the plate.  Have stepped into leadership because it is their calling from God.  Who have not allowed women to come in and take over everything because if they don't, no one else will do it.  Do you realize that somewhere around 75% of the single missionaries on the field right now are women?  That somewhere around 75% of leadership in our churches (both paid and lay leadership) is done by women?  I'm not complaining because these women are doing great things, but where are the men of God we need to rise up and walk with these women?  (And I don't mean just in a marriage sense here.)  What has happened to our society?  Women have stepped up too much and men have not enough.  I'm not saying women shouldn't hold leadership positions in the church or on the mission field and those of you who know me know I wouldn't say anything like that (I'd be contradicting my own life for goodness sake), but my hearts cry is for men to rise up.  To take the leadership that God intended for them to take and to run with it.  Be men who run hard after the Lord, be men who see life with God as an adventure.  Be men who are warriors for Christ.

I've lost contact with the man I was going to marry when I was in China. :o) He might be married to someone else now, who knows.  But in reading the things I wrote about him, I'm reminded of the things that drew me to him and what I wish I saw more often.  My heart's desire is to see more men rise up to the adventurous calling that is the life of Christ.  For men to come alongside some pretty incredible single women in our church and choose to live out that adventure side-by-side with them.  I look at our church and see women with incredible godly character and I'm praying that God will raise up men of faith that will change their lives and the way they see their Creator.  I'm excited to see how God chooses to answer my prayer.

Well, with that it's time to try to sleep again.  Maybe chatting about this will help me sleep, but probably it will just cause me to think more. :o)  Maybe I'll spend the time praying that God will re-light some of the fires in my heart that seem to have smoldered.  Until next time...

Are you scared God will say no?

I realized something tonight that I didn't know about myself.  If someone had asked me earlier today about something I had been praying, I would have answered, "Whatever God wills".  But I've realized something that comment has become in my life.  It's become a phrase that really means, "I'm setting myself up in expectation to hear a no and this gives me an out to not ask the question is God good."  I realize that the statement in and of itself is a good statement.  When we pray we should truly be asking for God's will in the situation.  But it came as a surprise in the midst of a conversation with a dear friend that I realized what it had become to me.  I've gotten to a point in my walk where I have heard so many no's or not now's from the Lord that I had begun to pray with the qualifier "but, whatever You will Lord".  I wasn't using it the way it was intended, it had become a "You're going to say no or not now anyway, so I'll place this here so I don't have to question your goodness".  I'm still processing all of this in my head and my heart, but I'm realizing that my prayer life has become dry and bland because I have not prayed with expectation.  Well, I've prayed with expectation, but it was an expectation that God would probably say no.  I'm such a brat!  God has given me so much and so many blessings and yet, I pout and don't expect great things when I pray for specifics in my life.  I expect great things for others, but not for my own walk. 

God is our Father who loves us and desires good things for us! (Thank you for the Psalm 103 reminder tonight Christine!)  He's not a God who sits on His throne and hands out no's all day, laughing.  He is a God who loves and many times is just waiting for us to ask Him for something.  He delights in our prayers.  He wants us to talk to Him, He wants to bless us and show us how incredible He truly is.  He wants us to pray with expectation.  And if He doesn't answer the exact way we ask, He will answer with something better (whether it looks better at the time or not).  My Father loves me and He has called me to step out in boldness with my prayers.  As I was praying about this fear and confessing it, I felt somewhat of a dare.  Now, God isn't one who stands in heaven and taunts us "I dare you to pray to me!"  But, at this point I felt like God was smiling and saying, "Emily, I dare you to pray big.  I double dog dare you to see what I will do with something you see as a huge prayer.  Watch me take it and make it beyond anything you could have imagined."  So, I have.  I've asked Him to move in one of two ways in my life in the next month.  And I'm trusting and waiting expectantly for Him to work.  This is a new way of praying for me.  I didn't end this prayer with "but, Your will be done".  Not because that sentiment is not at the heart of my prayers, but because of what the phrase has become to me.  I plan to keep that phrase out of my prayers until I have reconciled my heart to the Lord where I can truly say them with the true intent that they are meant to have.  I have a feeling that won't be long.  Until then, I will dream big, pray big and expect God to do big things.  I can't wait to see how He totally blows my imagination out of the water. :o)

He's not what He used to be to me.....

As I read today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest (posted at the end of my ramblings), I honestly have to say that I just sort of skated through it.  For some reason I just wasn't connecting today (woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as the saying goes).  But when I got to the end, for some reason, a single phrase stuck out.  "As I recall what God remembers about me, I may also begin to realize that He is not what He used to be to me."  And I began to think, is He still what He used to be to me? Do I still love Him they way I used to?  Do I still desire to spend time with Him the way I have in the past?  And I realize that recently I've come up short on this.  With everyone else that is happening in my life, I've allowed my first love to slip....and that hurts.  The best part though was the next sentence, "When this happens, I should allow the shame and humiliation it creates in my life, because it will bring godly sorrow, and "godly sorrow produces repentance . . ." (2 Corinthians 7:10)."  Godly sorrow and repentance.... those go together.  The sorrow is followed by repentance. I found my heart heavy, but the hope of Christ's forgiveness and love in spite of my decisions was SO comforting!  He knows that I will mess up, but He's still there, waiting for me to wake up and remember what He remembers about me.  Comforting thought. :o)

Am I as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be, or am I only expecting God to be kind to me? Does everything in my life fill His heart with gladness, or do I constantly complain because things don’t seem to be going my way? A person who has forgotten what God treasures will not be filled with joy. It is wonderful to remember that Jesus Christ has needs which we can meet— "Give Me a drink" (John 4:7). How much kindness have I shown Him in the past week? Has my life been a good reflection on His reputation?
God is saying to His people, "You are not in love with Me now, but I remember a time when you were." He says, "I remember . . . the love of your betrothal . . ." (Jeremiah 2:2). Am I as filled to overflowing with love for Jesus Christ as I was in the beginning, when I went out of my way to prove my devotion to Him? Does He ever find me pondering the time when I cared only for Him? Is that where I am now, or have I chosen man’s wisdom over true love for Him? Am I so in love with Him that I take no thought for where He might lead me? Or am I watching to see how much respect I get as I measure how much service I should give Him?
As I recall what God remembers about me, I may also begin to realize that He is not what He used to be to me. When this happens, I should allow the shame and humiliation it creates in my life, because it will bring godly sorrow, and "godly sorrow produces repentance . . ." (2 Corinthians 7:10).