He's not what He used to be to me.....

As I read today's entry in My Utmost for His Highest (posted at the end of my ramblings), I honestly have to say that I just sort of skated through it.  For some reason I just wasn't connecting today (woke up on the wrong side of the bed, as the saying goes).  But when I got to the end, for some reason, a single phrase stuck out.  "As I recall what God remembers about me, I may also begin to realize that He is not what He used to be to me."  And I began to think, is He still what He used to be to me? Do I still love Him they way I used to?  Do I still desire to spend time with Him the way I have in the past?  And I realize that recently I've come up short on this.  With everyone else that is happening in my life, I've allowed my first love to slip....and that hurts.  The best part though was the next sentence, "When this happens, I should allow the shame and humiliation it creates in my life, because it will bring godly sorrow, and "godly sorrow produces repentance . . ." (2 Corinthians 7:10)."  Godly sorrow and repentance.... those go together.  The sorrow is followed by repentance. I found my heart heavy, but the hope of Christ's forgiveness and love in spite of my decisions was SO comforting!  He knows that I will mess up, but He's still there, waiting for me to wake up and remember what He remembers about me.  Comforting thought. :o)

Am I as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be, or am I only expecting God to be kind to me? Does everything in my life fill His heart with gladness, or do I constantly complain because things don’t seem to be going my way? A person who has forgotten what God treasures will not be filled with joy. It is wonderful to remember that Jesus Christ has needs which we can meet— "Give Me a drink" (John 4:7). How much kindness have I shown Him in the past week? Has my life been a good reflection on His reputation?
God is saying to His people, "You are not in love with Me now, but I remember a time when you were." He says, "I remember . . . the love of your betrothal . . ." (Jeremiah 2:2). Am I as filled to overflowing with love for Jesus Christ as I was in the beginning, when I went out of my way to prove my devotion to Him? Does He ever find me pondering the time when I cared only for Him? Is that where I am now, or have I chosen man’s wisdom over true love for Him? Am I so in love with Him that I take no thought for where He might lead me? Or am I watching to see how much respect I get as I measure how much service I should give Him?
As I recall what God remembers about me, I may also begin to realize that He is not what He used to be to me. When this happens, I should allow the shame and humiliation it creates in my life, because it will bring godly sorrow, and "godly sorrow produces repentance . . ." (2 Corinthians 7:10).