Well, it's 1:00 in the morning and I still can't seem to get my mind to shut down. About an hour ago I decided to start reading old journal entries in hopes that I would fall asleep from boredom. :o) I guess I picked the wrong journal for that.
Over the years I've kept journals and while I haven't been super diligent about it (as in writing every day no matter what happens) when big things happened, I journaled about them. Well, I picked a journal at random and ended up reading about my time as a Journeyman. How my life has changed since then! There were aspects of life that I definitely had rose colored glasses about, but there are other aspects that I wish I had the same naive-ness about. I read about some of the hardships that shaped who I am today and was encouraged to see incredible changes in my life that God brought about both through circumstances and just His incredible power. However, I read hopes and dreams that I haven't thought about in a very long time. I had BIG dreams then! You know the "Use me to change the world Lord!" kind of dreams. I wanted to spend the rest of my life overseas or at least going on short term trips. I wanted to see people from the States gain an awesome understanding of how they could impact lives around the world through short term international mission trips and prayer. I wanted to see the world come to Christ and glorify Him in every tribe and tongue! I even decided I was going to marry a man I met while I was there because of the incredible Godly character he portrayed. :o) (In my journal I wrote, "God, I would be willing to live in a forest and eat bugs if you would allow me to marry this man." And for those of you who know me, you know that would be a sacrifice. :o) Well, I did end up eating bugs anyway, but that's another story for another time.) But the excitement of knowing such an incredible man of God, one who had REALLY given up his life for the sake of Christ, who was not ashamed to stand up and be counted, who desired to see the world know Christ was attractive. He was a spiritual leader in every sense of the word. And tonight, I realized that I miss men like that. I'm not saying they're not around, I know several of them, but when I look at all the men I know, how many of them are adventurers for Christ? How many of them would give up their current situation to live in the jungles of Africa in a moment? How many of them are willing to be the spiritual leader that women (not just their wives or future wives, but women in the church) need our men to be? Where are these spiritual giants who aren't afraid to roar at the enemy? To stand up for the poor and hurt? To not be afraid of asking God for a godly wife and actually actively seek her out? I'm not trying to be a man basher or anything here, I'm really not. If I looked at the group of men I'm aquainted with, I could name several who are living their lives in incredible ways for the Lord. But I'm sad to say that out of all the Christian men I know (or those who at least profess to be believers) I would have to say that less than half of these men have truly stepped up to the plate. Have stepped into leadership because it is their calling from God. Who have not allowed women to come in and take over everything because if they don't, no one else will do it. Do you realize that somewhere around 75% of the single missionaries on the field right now are women? That somewhere around 75% of leadership in our churches (both paid and lay leadership) is done by women? I'm not complaining because these women are doing great things, but where are the men of God we need to rise up and walk with these women? (And I don't mean just in a marriage sense here.) What has happened to our society? Women have stepped up too much and men have not enough. I'm not saying women shouldn't hold leadership positions in the church or on the mission field and those of you who know me know I wouldn't say anything like that (I'd be contradicting my own life for goodness sake), but my hearts cry is for men to rise up. To take the leadership that God intended for them to take and to run with it. Be men who run hard after the Lord, be men who see life with God as an adventure. Be men who are warriors for Christ.
I've lost contact with the man I was going to marry when I was in China. :o) He might be married to someone else now, who knows. But in reading the things I wrote about him, I'm reminded of the things that drew me to him and what I wish I saw more often. My heart's desire is to see more men rise up to the adventurous calling that is the life of Christ. For men to come alongside some pretty incredible single women in our church and choose to live out that adventure side-by-side with them. I look at our church and see women with incredible godly character and I'm praying that God will raise up men of faith that will change their lives and the way they see their Creator. I'm excited to see how God chooses to answer my prayer.
Well, with that it's time to try to sleep again. Maybe chatting about this will help me sleep, but probably it will just cause me to think more. :o) Maybe I'll spend the time praying that God will re-light some of the fires in my heart that seem to have smoldered. Until next time...
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